


The Righteous Man

by majormania



Series: Mirror 'Verse [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean can't look himself in the eye, Dean is fucked up, Gen, It's hell on one's psych, Mirror Verse, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 16:11:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4883305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majormania/pseuds/majormania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He breaks his first mirror when he's ten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Righteous Man

He's ten when he breaks his first mirror.

It was on accident and he didn't understand the feeling of satisfaction he got from it until years down the road.

He's thirteen when he starts actively avoiding mirrors. Yeah he puts on a show for Sammy and his dad, but he's realized that seeing his reflection, his eyes in particular, makes him feel like someone has reached into his chest and is squeezing his heart.

So he doesn't look into his own eyes. Not looking in mirrors at all isn't possible, so he makes a compromise with his fucked up mind. No eye contact with himself.

Well, once when he was twenty-three he does. He has the worst panic attack he's ever had.

The years go by and instead of getting better, it gets progressively worse.

He goes to Hell and back and he keeps expecting to see black every time he looks in the mirror.

Then, only a handful of years later, he does.

Even through the haze in his mind, he manages to freak out the first time his eyes change.

He comes out of the haze slowly, and the whole self-hatred thing is amped to levels it hasn't reached since his little stint in Hell.

So no, he doesn't ever get better. With the type of life he's lived it never had time to.

Even with all the good he's done, he can't get over the lives he's destroyed, the things that he's done in the name of protecting humanity.

Maybe one day in some shitty motel he'll look into his own eyes and be able to move on. But now? Now they have shit to do and a world to save. A-fucking-gain.


End file.
